Lessons from kids... Very funny! (or scary)
> > > For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
> > > For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
> > > For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
> > > For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
> > > The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
> > >
> > > Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
> > >
> > > 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house
> 4
> > > inches deep.
> > >
> > > 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller
> > > blades, they can ignite.
> > >
> > > 3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
> restaurant.
> > >
> > > 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
> > enough
> > > to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
> > cape. It is
> > > strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all
> four
> > > walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
> > >
> > > 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
> > using a
> > > ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
> you
> > > get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
> > >
> > > 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
> > by a
> > > ceiling fan.
> > >
> > > 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already
> too
> > > late.
> > >
> > > 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
> > >
> > > 9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
> 36-year
> > > old man says they can only do it in the movies.
> > >
> > > 10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
> old.
> > >
> > > 11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
> > sentence.
> > >
> > > 12. Super glue is forever.
> > >
> > > 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
> > can't walk
> > > on water.
> > >
> > > 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
> > >
> > > 15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials
> > show they
> > > do.
> > >
> > > 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
> > >
> > > 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
> > >
> > > 18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
> > >
> > > 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not
> like
> > > ovens.
> > >
> > > 20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
> > >
> > > 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
> > dizzy.
> > >
> > > 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
> > >
> > > 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
> > >
> > > 24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful.
> > > First grade...true story......
> > > One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three
> Little
> > > Pigs in her class. She came to the part of the story where the first
pig
> > was
> > > trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,
> > "...and so the
> > > pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said,
> > 'Pardon
> > > me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"
> > >
> > > The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
> > man
> > > said?"
> > >
> > > One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy
shit!
> A
> > > talking pig!'"
> > >
> > > The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
> > >
> > > 25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake